


Oh wow, you're tall!

by autisticblueteam



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-08
Updated: 2016-01-08
Packaged: 2018-05-12 12:29:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5666080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/autisticblueteam/pseuds/autisticblueteam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>David Washington just wants to get through a normal day of work at his friend’s cafe, but of course his verbal filter decides to take a snow day. Of course it does.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Oh wow, you're tall!

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is based off an AU suggested on tumblr here in [this post](http://carrionkiid.tumblr.com/post/136655983895/a-mainewash-au-where-wash-is-a-waiter-and-maine-is), and I basically just had to write even though I’ve never written an AU before. This also got much longer than I intended it to, but hey!

David Washington hummed along to the tune of his music as he walked to work, wrapped up tight in a thick winter coat. The streets were quiet, the route was familiar, and it was going to be another quiet day at work with the snow this heavy on the ground. He was relaxed; this day was going to be nothing out of the ordinary.

The door to the café opened with the familiar quiet ringing of a bell, and the heated air enveloped him with warmth. He let out quiet sigh, fumbling with his iPod as he walked towards the back. He’d just about managed to get the headphones wrapped around it and the whole tangled mess shoved into his pocket when he nudged the door to the kitchen open, and suddenly felt the weight of multiple pairs of eyes on him.

He paused, looking up slowly. His co-workers were all huddled together, and they were all looking at him. With a sigh Washington’s shoulders slumped, and with a deadpan face he simply said: “What now?”

“There’s a customer in the front,” York said, perched on the edge of one of the counters.

Wash rolled his eyes, peeling his coat off hanging it up in place of his apron, “That doesn’t exactly answer the question, York. I’d think it was a good thing we had a customer.”

“Oh shut up.”

A blonde man sighed, shoving a rejected morsel of food into York’s mouth, “There’s a customer in the front that York is too scared of to serve. Same story from Connie.”

“Connie? Scared of someone?” Wash asked with a brow raised, pinning his name tag onto his shirt. Connie wasn’t scared of anyone, she was basically their resident security against shitty customers. He passed her a look, and she raised her hands.

“The guy is huge, okay? I’m only human,” She said, folding her arms under her chest, “And when I say huge I mean huge. He’s at least two of me wide.”

“And he has this gnarly scar on his face,” York said through a mouthful of whatever the other man had shoved in his mouth. He gestured vaguely around the unscarred side of his own face, “Like really nasty looking.”

Washington shook his head, “You guys are so judgemental.”

“Well excuse me, if you’re such a saint then how about you go and serve him?” York said, thankfully having swallowed his mouthful. Wash couldn’t stand the noise of someone else chewing, “Go show us how it’s done.”

Wash huffed, grabbing his notepad from the side and backing towards the door, “Fine, I will!”

He nearly stumbled back onto his ass when he pushed the door open without looking, and he could hear York laughing as it swung shut. He’d get back him for that later. Right now he had a job to do, and so he composed himself and turned around to look at the café.

It was empty except for one table, not all that surprising considering the weather, and at that one table sat− _the largest man_ Washington had ever seen. Possibly the largest man ever. Of all time.

Wash already regretted his decision, his righteousness and bravado all but gone in the face of this man who looked like he could probably snap him in half. Oh my god how could someone even get that much muscle? How _tall_ was that guy when he wasn’t sitting down?!

He only realised he was staring when the man turned to look in his direction, raising an eyebrow. Wash jumped, standing suddenly more upright and coughing. Oh shit. Stop staring, go do your job. Right. Just ask him what he wants to eat. Or drink. Or−

He shushed his thoughts and coughed again, walking over to the table, “Good morning! What can I get for you today?”

It was a miracle his voice wasn’t shaking, honestly.

The large stranger looked at him for a moment before responding, his voice deep and the vibrations of it hitting Wash right in the chest, “Coffee, chocolate muffin, please.”

Wash nodded, quickly scribbling down the order. His handwriting was illegible to anyone but him, and honestly for a small order when there was only one customer he probably didn’t even need to write it down. But it stopped him from staring.

“Right! Anything else?”

The man shook his head, and Wash nodded again before quickly taking his leave. Probably too quickly, if he was honest. He nearly fell into North when he opened the door back to the kitchen and stumbled through.

“Well?”

“Coffee. Chocolate muffin,” Wash rattled off, tucking his notepad into the front of his apron.

North chuckled, clasping a hand over his shoulder before going to make the order up, “Thank you, though that wasn’t what I was asking.”

“Well− shut up,” Wash said, folding his arms, “I’m not good with implied questions.”

“Right, sorry,” North replied, sincerely. Wash sighed, shaking his head. They all forgot sometimes, they never meant anything by it.

“So? Do you see what we mean now?” York said, now leant against the wall. Connie seemed to have taken his place sitting on one of the countertops, where she was now texting.

“Yeah yeah, I see what you mean now York,” Wash said, scratching the back of his head. An awkward chuckle slipped out, “The guy is… huge. He could probably snap me in half if he wanted to.”

“Hence why even I was scared of him,” Connie added, without looking up from her phone. Wash nodded, conceding defeat on the matter.

“Well, I hope you’re ready to face the guy again because you need to take him his order,” North said, now finishing up making the requested coffee. Wash cursed under his breath, and North chuckled, “You did it once, you can do it again. Now who’s being judgemental?”

“I’m not! I’m just… intimidated!” Washington protested as he was handed the tray containing the plate and the mug, “He’s probably a perfectly nice guy! He’s just… Big!”

“Alright kid, go give the big man his order,” York said, grinning. Wash threw him a half-hearted glare and went back through to the front to do just that.

To his credit, he did his job without any more awkward staring or any stumbling over words. He gave the man his coffee and his muffin without any incident and was back in the kitchen within less than a minute. There were absolutely no problems there.

No, the problem came when it was time to take his plate and take his payment.

It was going simply enough, he’d gone over and picked up the used mug and plate and the man was getting up to come to the register and pay. That was when it all… kind of went downhill.

The man stood up, and Wash felt his eyes widen as this man was _beyond_ huge! He absolutely towered over the blonde man who had never really considered himself that short. He had to be at least six and a half feet tall! And before Washington could stop himself, he opened his big mouth.

“Oh wow, you’re tall!”

His eyes went wide. Oh no. Oh no that wasn’t meant to be said aloud.

The man looked at him for a moment, and then with what Wash took as a resigned sigh he slipped a hand into his pocket and produced a business card sized piece of paper and handed it to Washington. He then walked past him towards the register.

Wash blinked, looking at the piece of paper.

** YES I AM TALL **

YOU’RE VERY OBSERVANT FOR NOTICING  
**_6 FT 8 IN  
_** YES, REALLY (with boots on)

No, I don’t play basketball.  
The weather is perfect up here.

I’M SO GLAD WE HAD THIS CONVERSATION

Washington felt just about ready to cease existing.

With now reddening cheeks he turned and dashed straight past the man and into the kitchen, grabbing York by the arm and pushing him towards the door.

“Go take his money.”

“Whoa dude calm down!” York said, pulling his arm free and raising an eyebrow, “You okay Wash?”

“Go. Go take the man’s money.”

York just look at him with an utterly confused expression, until North sighed and gave him a look, “Go on York.”

The brunette sighed and raised his hands, turning and going out into the front to take care of the payment. Wash heaved a sigh, slumping to lean against one of the counters with the piece of paper still in his hand. Well, until Connie snatched it away and begun to laugh.

“Oh my god, Wash,” She said with a grin, covering her mouth and passing the card to North to take a look. North raised an eyebrow but even he chuckled.

Wash groaned, burying his face in his hands, “My verbal filter failed me. My verbal filter just turned off! Oh my god. I’m so bad.”

“Wash you’re clearly not the only person who’s ever commented on his height. Hence the cards,” North said, waving said card in the air before placing it down on the side.

“But that’s even _worse_!” Wash said, his voice squeaking a little. He went redder and huffed.

“Don’t worry, I’ve never seen the guy around here before so he’s probably just passing through. You’ll never have to face him again,” Connie said, nudging his shoulder with her head and mussing up his hair. Wash pulled a face at her, but sighed and nodded.

Connie was right, of course she was. The awkward social failure would go forgotten along with every other time his verbal filter had failed him, or he’d made any kind of social mistake. It was just one of many, and he’d not have to think about it again. With that thought in mind he let himself relaxed, and stopped chewing his cheek without even realising he’d started to. He’d never see the guy again, it was that simple.

Of course it wasn’t _actually_ that simple, oh no, because David Washington’s life could never be that simple.

Two days later he was the only member of the wait staff that could make it in. North and his twin sister were making the drinks and the food out back, the café belonged to them after all, but the snow on the ground was too heavy for York or Connie to make it in. Wash lived within walking distance, and as much as he’d rather have stayed home curled up in his blankets with his cats he figured they’d be closing early anyway and didn’t want to let North down. So he went in anyway.

It had been a quiet day. A few people had braved the weather to meet with friends or to go to work so they got some customers, but they were spaced out and left long intervals where Wash found himself just standing bored at the register. South would pop out and bug him playfully occasionally, but otherwise she and her brother remained in the kitchen. Wash was pretty sure they were going to close up early if there wasn’t a customer soon, at one point, and he was dosing off with his head on his hand.

That was when the door’s bell jingled, and he nearly smacked himself in the face.

When he looked up, there was the giant man. Of course. The world clearly hated him. Who else would it be?

He groaned.

The man clearly noticed him too, because Wash was given a brief nod of acknowledgement before he sat at a table near the window. He looked even bigger in his winter coat, Wash realised before he shed it. Dammit, he had to stop that or he was going to let something else rude slip out!

With a cough Wash straightened up and grabbed his notepad, giving the kitchen door a nudge to let the twins know there was a customer. Then, rehearsing his job’s script over and over in his head so he wouldn’t mess up and say something else, he walked over to the table.

“Good afternoon! What can I get for you today?” Don’t say anything else. Don’t say anything else.

“Coffee, a BLT, please,” The man said, in that same deep voice that hit Wash right in the chest. Wash nodded, scribbling down the order just as messily as before, asking the usual ‘anything else?’ and turning to take the order back when he said no.

Then something in him apparently decided it was going to be brave, because he turned around and all in one breath said:

“I’m sorry that I made that comment about your height yesterday I know that being told the same thing over and over is really really annoying and I’m super sorry I didn’t mean to be rude,” And then with a quick nod he turned and ran back into the kitchen.

“Wow, what bit you in the asshole Wash?” South said, as polite as ever. Wash stuck a middle finger up at her, and she returned it the gesture.

“The customer… that just came in… was the big guy from the other day…” He got out between semi-panicked breaths, trying to calm himself down, “I may have just blurted out a ridiculously jumbled apology.”

“Wow you really do keep putting your foot in it don’t you?” South said, grinning when Wash scowled at her.

“I’m sure he did nothing of the sort. I’m sure the customer saw it as polite,” North said, a smile on his face. Wash relaxed a little, sighing, “What was his order, Wash?”

Wash jumped, standing straight, “Oh, right!”

A few minutes later he was nudging the kitchen door open with his ass and carrying the man’s food over to him. He continued repeating his next script over and over in his head; he handed over the meal with no incident, until he was about to follow with his usual ‘enjoy!’ but the man spoke up instead.

“Thanks. For apologising.”

Wash froze for a moment, wondering if he was actually talking to him before realising of _course_ he was, he was the only other person in the room!

“Uh. No problem! I mean. You’re welcome. I mean…” Why was he so terrible at this? Well, he knew why he was so terrible at this, but come on. Really, brain?

The man chuckled, “Understood. Thanks.”

Wash almost opened his mouth to say something, not that he had any idea what, when the door to the kitchen swung open and North popped out, waving him over. Wash nodded quickly at him and then at the man, running back to the kitchen.

“Hey buddy, we’re going to close up as soon as big guy out there is done. It’s just not worth staying open today,” The blonde man said, “So you can head on home, no need for you to stick around. We can handle shutting up shop.”

Wash relaxed a little, taking a breath, “Ah okay. Thanks North, see you tomorrow?”

North nodded, “I’ll call if anything changes. If the weather gets any worse there might not be any point opening tomorrow.”

Wash nodded in agreement, sharing a quick hug with his friend before taking off his apron and nametag in favour of his thick winter coat. He waved goodbye to the twins and ducked out of the room, heading towards the door and then promptly stopping as he saw the thick flurry of snow that was falling.

“Well, shit.”

He only realised he’d spoken aloud when the man’s head turned a little, looking towards him with an amused smile. Wash froze, coughing.

Well, he couldn’t walk back in that. So with a sigh he walked over to one of the empty tables and was about to sit down when he heard someone else’s cough. Looking to the man, he saw he was looking up at him.

“Feel like company?”

Washington tilted his head. Was he inviting him to sit with him? The customer nodded towards the free seat opposite him; so that was a yes. Wash considered this for a moment, before deciding that there was no harm in it (unless he messed up again, in which case snow or no snow he was going to just get up and _leave_ ) and sitting across from the other man.

A rumbling chuckle echoed from the customer’s chest, “Isaac. People call me Maine.”

“Heh, I’m David. People call me Wash,” Wash said with an awkward smile and a shrug, internally cursing himself for his awkwardness. He clawed a little at his hands under the table.

Maine raised a brow, “Wash?”

“Last name is Washington.”

Maine rumbled a sound of understanding, taking a bite of his sandwich. There was an immediate pause in the conversation, but Wash found it wasn’t an awkward silence by any means. In fact it felt rather companionable, and he found himself relaxing. He stopped clawing at his hands and sat back in his chair, watching the snow outside and listening to the soft rumbling noises Maine made.

“Where’s the other one?”

Wash glanced at him, “Huh? Oh, York. He lives too far to walk, and he can’t drive. I only came in because I live close enough to walk in; I didn’t want to leave North hanging, so…” He shrugged.

Maine made another rumbling sound that Wash took as another indication he understood.

“Uh, you local? Not seen you around here before.”

Maine nodded, “Moved recently. New here. Friend recommended the café.”

Wash nodded, relaxing more in his seat. This was… alright. Maine seemed like a nice guy, he was just intimidating on first sight. And second. And third. But the point was he seemed nice. Wash felt oddly at ease around him now that they’d got past the awkward meeting. So he found himself sitting there long past the end of the short burst of heavy snow.

He learned that Maine had moved to the area within the past couple of weeks, after he’d finished serving in the army. Which was where he got that terrible scar on his face, too. He also learned that Maine knew sign language, and that he actually preferred communicating with it, which Wash was very happy to comply with as he knew it himself. Their conversation felt even easier after they made the switch, and Wash found himself suppressing the flapping motion his hands wanted to make.

Maine was just… easy to talk to. They signed about everything from Maine’s new apartment to Wash’s cats to the best places to go in the area. By the time they stopped Maine had long finished his food, and they’d only stopped because Maine had to get off to a job interview. He paid and then, signing goodbye, he left and headed out into the snow.

South gave Wash a look as he said goodbye, a look he couldn’t for the life of him figure out, but he left with a grin on his face.

Over the course of the next few weeks Maine became a regular at the café, coming in every couple of days for his coffee and a muffin or sandwich, depending on the time of day. A few times he was even accompanied by the friend who had recommended the place to him, a red haired woman who said her name was Carolina that Wash _did_ remember seeing in the café a few times. They would sit at the table near the window signing to each other, and Wash would sometimes join them, especially if it was quiet. When Maine was on his own he almost always stopped for a conversation; it became a part of his week at work.

It was one such day that things took an unexpected turn.

Wash and Maine had been sat talking for at least a half hour, with York and Connie tending to the only two other customers that were there. They signed to each other about how their week had been, and Wash had made him laugh his wonderfully deep laugh several times with stories about York messing up on the job. But as usual Maine had to leave eventually, and so they stood up and Wash was ready to say goodbye. However he paused as Maine reached into his pocket and handed him another piece of paper, the same size as the one that he’d given to him weeks ago.

Wash froze, for a moment wondering what on earth he’d managed to come out with this time. Then he actually looked at the piece of paper.

No words this time, just a phone number followed by a few typed out kisses.

Wash felt his eyes widen, and he could hear Maine’s warm, rumbling laugh as he felt his face go red.

“ _Ohhh._ ”


End file.
